I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
