i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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