You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
