If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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