i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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