Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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