The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Found the puke drawer
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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