don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
