Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
