my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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