Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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