what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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