It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
