well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
