dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
