I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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