Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
PANTIES FOUND
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
