If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
