I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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