Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
