omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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