i dont even know how to be here
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
