Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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