It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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