she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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