She is in my trunk
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
