Non-Jews are for practice
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
