kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
