im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I believe in your delicious
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
