HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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