im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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