Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
