i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
