make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
