5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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