Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
