On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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