so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
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I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
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Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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