ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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