Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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