That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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