I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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