He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
