overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
If I die, sorry about rent.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
