i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
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At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
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I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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