'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
