he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
