I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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