i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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