the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
