honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
