is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
