the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
FUCK WHALES
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
