Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
