And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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