We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
