it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
