Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
