I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize