I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So I just went to clothing optional bar
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
